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(re)learning how to balance

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“We are all falling above the infinite groundlessness of life & we learn to become stable in flight… the final resting place is not the ground but the freedom that arises from knowing there will never be a ground & yet here we all are… together…”

It surprised me when I first read these words by Joan Halifax. It smashes so many platitudes and promises of what I can expect from life. It feels stark, pessimistic, a sharp-tongued retort from a wise and trusted friend. And then I sat with it for a while…

to become stable in flight

Balance requires continual motion.

In another week, I go in for the second arthroscopic surgery on my hip in less than two years. After 8 doctors, and eight different diagnoses from the top hospitals in our country, there are no promises, only approximations. With each diagnosis, possibilities have changed, altering my identity as I define my self by what I will or will not be able to do.

…to become stable in flight…

We talk a lot around here about not knowing, of beginner’s mind, of widening to encompass a more vast view that is beyond our own biases.

Even with that in mind, sometimes I want to be certain. I want to trust where and how the food I eat is grown, I want the companies I purchase from to be transparent and fair to workers and good to the planet. I wonder about the real value in extended warranties, guarantees and insurance, and about trusting the creations and determinations of others which deeply affect the most ordinary moments of living.

…to become stable in flight…

It’s amazing to relearn through the body something you’ve spent a lifetime doing with ease. I’ve started the countdown here. Concocted a before and after list: what I can do now, what I won’t be able to do then. Things-to-get-done before the surgery, knowing my change in mobility affects not only me but also Brian, the business, and Yoshi. Using the past to reference the present and predict the future. 

Approximations at best.

…to become stable in flight…

Halifax is accurate.

We are not anatomically built for flight, and I wonder if this is the very point. Despite this, to let go of the ground… to let go of manmade assurances detailed on paper… to let go of things we were never meant to control because it flies in the very face of what living is…

That's the thing about balance. It's not something we're born with. It's something we learn.

Always in motion,

fia

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Comments


  • my ‘go to’ mantra is the serenity prayer; always wanting to change things but having the wisdom to know . . . and accept . . . that which I can’t change. Wishing you both the best as ‘life’ happens.

    barb himelfarb on
  • Oh, Fia, my heart goes out to you. Unknowingness is the bliss and the sometimes agony. I feel for your upcoming operation and is aftermath. Know that all folk touched by you and Brian around the world ( including l’l’ ol’ me in the wilds of Devon) hold you in our hearts. And if you are open to it, have a look at Donna Eden’s 11 minute u tube video for her Daily Energy Routine developed from her approach to Energy Medicine. Very simple and very powerful. She cured her own MS 40 + years ago. She is an Energy Sensitive and has always been able to see & read energy. It may help you recover faster and build your resilience. No pressure; I just offer it up with my caring wishes for you. And for you, Brian, in your reluctant viral visitor. They can be irritating guests who just haven’t recognised yet that it’s time to go. All my warmest wishes for you both in your individual and joint recoveries. Blessings and love for you.

    Peggy

    Peggy on


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