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the color of water...

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“I used to wonder why the sea was blue at a distance, green close up & colorless in your hands. A lot of life is like that.” ~ Miriam Pollard

There was a game with paper we used to play as little girls. We called it fortune telling. One of us would take a piece of paper ripped out of a spiral notebook, fold it in a particular way, and ask the other questions, writing the answers down on specific folds… Through an imperfect but oddly trustworthy process, this ordinary piece of paper would promise to foretell a life. We knew it was a game, but there was enough magical thinking to believe it all might come true… who we would marry, how many kids we would have, where we would live, what we would be in the world… 

Of course none of these dreams look the same when you finally experience them… renting, owning a home, a job, the reality of a paycheck, discussions around children, marriage…

I look back at how many jobs I held just to pay rent in NYC during those first few years of marriage... that first home was nothing like what was promised on that piece of paper, yet somehow more vibrant and thrilling as each year countless daffodils and tulips burst out of the ground in all the places we’d planted them.

There were no spaces on the paper for divorce. No questions of how many people along the way you would love or how many career changes there might be. No option for a life without children. Or how many shifts in identity might occur…

There was not enough space in that fortune- telling-paper-game to hold all the possibilities that a life can be. To account for the turns and unexpected shifts in depth and hue. 

But this is impossible to know as a child. We don't always think about all the colors of water. It's only as we age and live and love - that we learn how distance can teach us all sorts of things about the things we think we know. 

always in motion,

fia

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