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the moment you know...

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There is the moment you know. And then there is the moment you act with that knowing.

Hopefully there’s not too much time between.

Fortunately, we have a built-in barometer for this. There is a kindness in the science of how we are structured - we cannot lie to ourselves. Justifications may be made, excuses offered, words tucked away behind other ones… but our body knows our truth.

It’s only when you align with your own true desire that you can fully move through the world with the freedom that comes from authenticity.

Lately I have been in the presence of complex women taking responsibility for all that their lives have become. Courage to admit when they saw the signs and kept walking. Intelligence to piece together how steps taken became the path they walked. And now, readiness to make choices that break patterns and forge new identities.

What’s even more remarkable is the simplicity with which these women talk about these things. No drama. No anger. No blame. Just unabashed desire to be the full thing they are (which may turn out to be other than they or anyone else might anticipate).

Could be law of attraction here.

At times, it’s been easier to see what I didn’t want my life to be… but this usually resulted in anger, shame, and judgment. But then I turned it inside out.

First off, you need to be comfortable with the word, desire.

When I was teaching acting, there is a common term called an objective. It’s the thing that the character wants, what drives her/him to act in a particular way. Often, I found young actors had difficulty coming up with a really strong objective, something that they could truthfully get behind. So I started comparing it to a craving… It doesn’t always make sense. It’s not always logical or healthy or something you want to admit, but it’s something you will go lengths to end up satisfying because that’s what we do with cravings. Students were more able to articulate a craving than they were a desire.

Interesting, no?

What translates to me now, outside of the theatre world, is that desires are still hard for many people to name without shame or judgment. Maybe because there is so much happening in the world, to want or desire for anything seems frivolous and selfish.

But then there’s the kindness of science… how all of us coordinates to our thinking…

Here’s another way to consider this.

Brian and I had this conversation yesterday morning over breakfast – he asked, “Can you coordinate your whole self to a lie? For example, if I want a child to go to sleep because I know she’ll be cranky the next day, so I tell a story to the child that is technically a lie, will I take myself out of coordination?”

And I said, “You coordinate to your intent. If your justification for the story is the well-being of your child, then you can coordinate to the lie you tell her. A different example would be to try to lie to yourself about your intent… To knowingly tell a lie for a reason other than you will admit, even to yourself, that will take you out of coordination. That is what the body registers.”

It’s only when you align with your own true desire that you can fully move through the world with the freedom that comes from authenticity.

always in motion,


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  • You hit the nail on the head! For some of us, between the moment we know and the moment we act with that knowing, there is a canyon to conquer in between. I guess in conquering that, life occurs and we learn even more in the process. Constantly recalibrating into the next moment, and the constant recalibration is what gets us to where we need to be. At any given moment. As we gain momentum towards the life we love, we find that many doors open. Some of these include having the knowledge and skills to make quick decisions, think on our feet, having the solution pop into our head or the right words come out of our mouths at the exact right moment. Then we realize, standing there in the middle of our work day, that we are flying effortlessly over that canyon. Without a net. Well done, you two! So much said with so few words.
    In gratitude, Cheryl W.

    Cheryl Widen on
  • Oh my, so beautifully put. Escape into one’s own reality…a reality that lasts a lifetime.
    Thank you for this piece.

    patricia Kuessner on
  • Fia,
    I’d love to see the essay that Brian said has ‘too many notes’. I don’t think this is it. And i’m going to have to think about what you’ve written … perhaps for a long time. Thanks.

    Janis on

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